


i don't mind your shadows, 'cause they disappear in the light

by soliloquies



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (they're in 3rd year), Aged-Up Character(s), Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Panic Attacks, first haikyuu fic, hinata is being the best boyfriend ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-06 22:43:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12827694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soliloquies/pseuds/soliloquies
Summary: It's one of Those Days for Kageyama.





	i don't mind your shadows, 'cause they disappear in the light

**Author's Note:**

> my first (posted) haikyuu fic!! aaaah i just love kaghina's symbiotic relationship so much! they have such a healthy relationship *heart eyes*  
> geez i could talk about kagehina all day! if you could too, hmu on tumblr @volleybakaclub  
> otherwise, enjoy!!!!!!!  
> (ps. reviews are always welcomed)
> 
> title from "shadows" by sabrina carpenter

Kageyama knows it's one of Those Days the second he wakes up. It's like the saying, waking up on the wrong side of the bed. Well. That's not actually possible, considering his bed is pushed against the wall, but still.

It's one of Those Days.

He groans at the light steaming through the window - it's glaring at him right in the eyes. He imagines it grinning, sticking out its tongue and saying “Get _up_ , Bakageyama!”

No, wait, that's Hinata.

Just the boy’s name quiets Kageyama’s already-churning mind for a moment. Somewhere, deep down, Kageyama is eternally grateful. Even when he's not around, Hinata is an anchor in his life, the one steady thing (which is ironic, considering Hinata is probably the wildest person to ever exist).

Kageyama is just laying there in bed, staring at the ceiling when the alarm screeches again, signaling that he's been lying there for 10 minutes.

Then it hits him that he still has to take a shower and get to school.

20 seconds later, Kageyama is wincing as the scalding water hits his bare shoulders and he knows he's going to be late.

This is usually how Bad Days go. They actually start off quite early, probably at like 3 AM when he's dreaming, only instead of being in Karasuno, it's Kitagawa Daichii.

Kageyama doesn’t know it then, but the Bad Day has officially begun.

Brushing his teeth, with his hair dripping water into his eyes, Kageyama tries and fails at not thinking about his dream. It's one of those days where he can still remember it, which is just an omen that his day will be _this_ much worse.

He's in class during lunch, eating by himself while people mill around him and steer clear of his desk. That itself never bothered him too much. He knows he's not the most approachable.

Kunimi is three desks to the left and four to the front, and he's flocked by girls and guys alike. Kindaichi walks in and they gravitate towards him too. A few girls break away from the group, laughing to themselves, and one with curly auburn hair says, “Kunimi-kun has so much to deal with with Kageyama-kun. He's so mean all the time and he doesn't even seem like he's any good at volleyball. Why is he even on the team again? Nobody should have to hang out with him.”

Another, with pink bows on her pigtails, whispers back, “I heard he yells at them even when they did nothing wrong. I think they should just make him quit or something, and besides, no one wants to talk to him anyway. He's kind of just there.”

They're turned away from him. Either they don't realize he's in their class or they forgot he's sitting behind them.

A wave of guilt and shame simultaneously wash over him, and he chokes. It's hard to breathe. He feels like there are numerous eyes on his back, even though everyone is turned away from him. They don't even spare him a glance, like he's not even worth their time, and that somehow makes it much worse.

That's all he remembers. But the sinking feeling lingers, the kind he gets when he really studies for a test but fails it anyway.

The alarm screams at him again (he forgot to press snooze) and jolts him back to reality. He's actually going to be late for morning practice if he doesn't move his ass.

He's flying out the door minutes later, a garbled goodbye in his throat along with a piece of bread, and he's so late at this point that Hinata's not even there at their unofficial meeting spot 

The small trek to school is made even more quiet because Kageyama avoids any contact. He doesn't want to look up and have anyone see the strangled look that he knows is present in his eyes.

He remembers. He can't stop thinking about it, is more like. The girls’ words twist and warp in his head, ringing over and over.

* * *

Practice is hell.

Hinata is surprisingly not here, which makes Kageyama’s heart pick up speed in a not-good way.

Hinata's not here. He has no one to hang out with. No one to eat lunch with. He can't even practice their new(-er) quick, the one that leaves him feeling breathless and staring at Hinata with awe.

Kageyama starts to feel the walls close in, and his pulse writhes underneath his skin. He's so dependent on Hinata, he realizes with disgust. It's almost like he can't function without him.

Kageyama takes a few breaths and tosses up the ball. He's flubbed all his serves today, either going out or hitting the net. If he misses this one, his day is going to be awful. If he makes it, things will be looking up.

At the last second, his hand hits the ball on the side, sending it careening into the net. It thuds to the floor below.

He feels like screaming. He feels like curling into a ball and never coming out.

He must be making a horrendous face because the first years do double takes. Yamaguchi looks at him in concern. Even Tsukishima sends him a look of disdain. He can already hear a voice in his head.

_What's wrong, King, can't even do a proper serve without Hinata?_

Instead he stomps away to change and ends up stubbing his toe in the doorway.

* * *

After changing, he walks back to class (carefully this time; he doesn’t need another throbbing toe) and remembers that today, his first period is… English.

Oh, God.

Kageyama honestly didn’t think his day could get much worse, but it suddenly has. He walks into class, and surprisingly he’s the first person there.

He guesses it's because he doesn't have Hinata wasting time pausing at every classroom to say hello and stopping at every water fountain along the hall.

The class fills up soon, and soon, the teacher’s droning voice is flowing over and around him, like he's avoiding it altogether.

In an odd way, he is actually productive in class and takes notes. He can feel the lack of Hinata’s presence, however, and misses their passed notes on strategies against Aoba Josai or the teasing stink eye Hinata gives him every time he catches Kageyama staring.

“...Who can tell me what the direct object in this sentence is?” the teacher asks to a class of sleeping students.

Kageyama can feel a headache coming on already. This happens, too, on Bad Days. In a way, it's the worst part because the anxious throbbing in his head makes it hard for him to do anything.

Somehow he makes it through class and blindly stands up with the others when the bell rings. He has break early today, just his luck, but he supposes he can rest in an abandoned classroom and pray for school to be over.

He's walking down the corridor when he bumps into somebody, and “Sorry—” is already out of his mouth before he realizes it's Yachi.

“Sorry,” he repeats as she blinks and processes the situation.

“Oh, Kageyama-kun! That's okay,” she says sincerely, and the blush on her face is a faint pink, compared to the red flush she used to sport when interacting with any members of the volleyball team.

Suddenly she peers up into his face and frowns. “Are you okay?”

Kageyama freezes. Sometimes— sometimes Yachi and Hinata are so _alike_ and their mannerisms are so _similar_ — looking into Yachi’s eyes, he can practically see the worry that would be in Hinata’s own.

“I— I’m just not feeling very well—” he mumbles. His head is throbbing now, someone spiking ball after ball in his brain. “Sorry, I have to go,” he says and practically trips over himself getting away.

He doesn't want to look back and see the hurt look he guesses is on her face. Instead, he hurries away to a stairwell close by, and thankfully he's all alone.

He sits there for a good ten minutes, clutching his head and not making eye contact. He doesn't want to deal with anything right now.

Suddenly, there's a tremendous racket, and a boy's voice.

“Ha ha, yeah… my sister got sick… oh, no, she's totally fine, thanks for asking, Yachi-san. Geez, I missed half the day already! Hey, where's—”

Kageyama is already looking up as Hinata rounds the corner and stops.

“Kageyama,” is all he says and his name alone has Kageyama turning away, his heart spiraling out of control and his gut is twisting like something caught in the net. He can't do this right now. He can't face Hinata like this, he's a wimp.

There's a soft murmuring, but Kageyama isn't looking at them; he doesn't want to see Hinata’s confused and hurt expression when Kageyama doesn't answer him. He doesn't want to see Hinata turn and leave him, but he knows it will happen anyway.

Maybe he's a fool, but he has to at least try to protect his heart, right? He's honestly not sure how much more it can take.

“...sorry, Yachi-san, but I need to talk to Kageyama alone for a sec.” He doesn't even give her time to answer. “See you at practice!”

 _Here it comes,_ Kageyama thinks, the barrage of questions that he can't answer— then there are warm arms encircling him, and Hinata’s pressed into his side insistently.

“Hey,” he says softly. “How're you doing?” Kageyama doesn't release the tension in his shoulders. He doesn't know where this will go. He needs his guard up; if Hinata leaves he can't know it affects him 

“I just ran into Yachi,” he continues. “Said you weren't feeling well, apparently, and I was like, _what?!_ Because Natsu got food poisoning today too and we had to take her to the hospital. That's why I wasn't here today morning. Man, I hope I didn't miss too much. I'd ask for your notes but we both know they probably won't be any help.”

Kageyama wants to respond that he actually _did_ take notes today (because he was too frazzled to think about anything else), but the words get all jumbled in his throat. He doesn't want Hinata to make a big deal of it. He doesn't Hinata to ask why and not understand the reason. Kageyama doesn't think he could bear it.

“...Hey, you okay?” Hinata asks, peering into his face. His expression turns into one of alarm. “Whoa, hold on—” he fumbles, because damn it, Hinata's not used to this, and to be honest, Kageyama isn't either.

He hasn't had a panic attack for two years.

He doesn't even realize his breathing had picked up until its full-blown hyperventilation and the his churning brain just became a washing machine— rumbling and groaning and turning _fast_ . One thing stands out— the girl in his dreams, the one with the Hinata-hair who says that he's too much to deal with and he's too harsh (Somewhere in his mind, this he knows, but he hasn't been able to accept it in fear that others will notice and accept it as well). He turns away from Hinata’s prying hands and hunches over, trying to blink the spots out of his eyes and get air into his lungs. He can do this on his own. He needs to be able to work without Hinata, _stupid Hinata_ , jumping around in bright Technicolor.

But if nothing else, Hinata is _determined._ He shrugs off Kageyama’s pushes and leans closer, lending his warmth and support. “Look at me,” he demands, peeling Kageyama's hands away from his face. “Kageyama, I need you to look at me.” His eyes are wild, his voice calm.

“Breathe, Kageyama, breathe.”

He shudders, and a rickety breath fills his lungs, guided by Hinata's gentle words. “In… and out. In… and out. Breathe with me.” He grabs Kageyama's hand and pulls it to his chest. Kageyama feels the rise and fall of it and copies. “In… and out.” Hinata's heart is frantic, but the regular _thumps_ ground him.

Once his breathing evens out, Hinata holds his hand and squeezes. A few tears leak out without Kageyama even knowing. “Sorry,” he says gruffly, and hastily wipes them away. When did he become so weak? When did he start to rely on Hinata so heavily? How can there be people as inherently good as Hinata in the world, and then weaklings like him, who can’t even own up to their own awfulness?

“Don't be sorry,” Hinata says sharply. “I know what this is about.”

Kageyama looks up with surprise. Well, honestly, he shouldn’t be that surprised. If anyone’s got him figured out, it’s Hinata. He almost laughs. How ironic.

“How many times do I have to tell you?! You're not the same person that you used to be! You've changed now!”

This is Hinata's normal speech, and Kageyama can already feel himself numbing to the words. They pass over his head, or in through one ear, then out another. But this time, he adds on.

“And yeah, maybe in the past, you weren't the nicest of people, but we can't all be. You just cared about volleyball a lot. Think about it. If you didn't care about volleyball that much, you wouldn't have come to Karasuno, and if you didn't come, then we wouldn't be playing together!” His voice softens. “And you know, we make mistakes to learn from them. So yeah, you were the king, and it's a part of you. But you've improved and you've grown and look what we can do now! 

Hinata drops to a murmur, and he turns his head away, abashed, when he says the next words.

“And yeah, we’re boyfriends, but we both know that sometimes doesn't last. And yeah, we're _friends_ and that bond is stronger, but that doesn't mean that’ll last forever either.” Now he looks straight at Kageyama and it's times like these that Kageyama genuinely _admires_ the boy, the way he can have the courage to look at someone and speak his mind (he will never be like that).

“We’re _partners_ , Kageyama. We were partners first and that's what we’ll always be no matter what. I'm never leaving you. I don't care if you're in America, I don't care if you hate me, I don't care if you have a girlfriend and live in Hokkaido, because we'll _always_ be partners and you can _never, ever_ change that.”

Hinata smiles. It's one of those slow, sweet smiles, that makes you think for a second that _damn, he was cute_ but then you realize he’s also Hinata and that meant he was loud and immature and just a tiny ball of energy (and you could combust if you came too close), but that's because he was Hinata and there was no one else like him.

Hinata thumbs away the stray tears that seem to still make it out of Kageyama’s eyes. “It's okay, Kageyama,” he says, voice barely audible. “You've got me now.”

He feels such a great wave of emotion rise up in him that he wants to cry and scream and kiss Hinata until he can't breathe all at the same time.

He settles for the last one, grabbing Hinata’s jacket and pulling him forward to meet his lips and Hinata lets out a little squeak (they’re relatively new at this kissing thing) but they settle into it and Kageyama’s mind is whirling and he thinks, _how did he ever find someone as beautiful as Hinata Shouyou?_ Somehow he thinks he'll never find the answer, so he settles for breaking away from the kiss (they're both heaving and Hinata has a heavy blush on his face) and bumping their foreheads lightly and saying, “Thank you.” 

Hinata knows he means it.

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by  
> http://theharukawa.tumblr.com/post/151555938102/take-a-moment-to-think-of-just-flexibility-love
> 
> it's beautiful. now go and reblog it a million times.


End file.
